Small, I know

DID YOU KNOW? A volcanic eruption in the year 186 in New Zealand is thought to have been so powerful that it was visible in ancient Rome and China.

I woke up this morning and my hand hurt a lot. I think the word excruciating would be a little overdone, but, indeed, my hand really hurt. I didn't want to alarm Sam's Mom because she worries about me enough without having to worry about me sleeping (and pooping), but I just had to get up and take some Tylenol and ask her for an ACE bandage, because the pain was actually preventing me from sleeping. And if you know me, you know that almost nothing can keep me from sleep--neither the rattle of the F-Market, nor the rush of a plane taking off, nor every graduate-level kinetics lecture of 2008.

So, all ACE bandaged up, I did a quick left-handed Google search and learned that it's not a fracture, or carpal tunnel, or lupus. I think I am just going to give it some HI-RICE and hope it clears up in a day or two, since it's already feeling a lot better. I also learned that WebMD, which diagnosed me with shingles, is not very useful for hand troubles, and that there are myriad WebMD knock-offs of even more dubious quality, such as one which gave me the following helpful synonyms for my symptom of "hand pain."

Thanks, internet. You are a Pain in the Hand (one hand).